Positively rejected

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I often wonder why people are so scared of rejection in relationships. I agree it’s painful because you desired something or someone and you didn’t get it, but rejection speaks about the needs of the situation, not about you. If you want a 8 seater dining table for your home but the size of your dining room can only permit a 6 seater dining table, would the 8 seater feel rejected? Of course, I’m talking metaphorically as a piece of chopped wood cannot have feelings, but the essence is still valid. As humans we associate rejection, be it in a job or a relationship, with a lack of value. But it’s only us that make ourselves feel bad. It’s so much easier to take what is slotted as “rejection” as a realisation that the shoe didn’t fit and feel liberated that you will find one that does. Fitting into a shoe that doesn’t fit is painful.

Even in relationships, we try so hard to push ourselves into becoming people we are not, doing things we don’t like, compromising our comfort, our feelings and even our values in a desperation to fit the shoe. The world is not ending, there are no time limits for love to enter your life, and if someone doesn’t love you, aren’t you far better off finding someone who does? We watch movies, fall in love with the characters, have huge crushes on film stars, but we return happily to reality. The same way, it’s great to really like or love someone in your orbit, but till it’s reciprocated, there should be an equal ease in returning to reality. “Rejection” as you perceive it, isn’t a way of putting you down, it’s a way to say that you’re better off with a different reality. Not fitting someone’s framework doesn’t make you less, it only makes you different.

I am a 38-year-old working woman, who has a nine-year-old daughter. I stay with my in-laws and husband, and my mother-in-law looks after my daughter when I am away at work. My mother-in-law is very orthodox in her thinking and superstitious by nature, and she has started teaching my daughter the same things. I want my daughter to grow up with a mind free of fears and inhibitions, and no matter how many times I have explained this to my mom-in-law, she refuses to understand. My husband, too, doesn’t take this seriously. What should I do? We can’t start staying separately, as he is her only child and we don’t want to leave her alone. 

You can always beautifully merge old world traditions, superstitions and attitudes with modern day living. The idea is never to run from something or block it out, but instead to teach the next generation how to approach such situations, instil coping skills and the ability to respect other views without imbibing it as their own. If your mom in law is the primary care taker and active parent, then you have to make whatever time you do have at home with your daughter so wonderful that she wants to be more like you.

My friend and I like the same guy. He, however, likes me but my friend is not happy about this. And has been lashing out at me. I am not sure how to handle this situation.

It’s time for both of you to have a chat about the situation because it may very well repeat itself in the future as well. Both should be clear as to whether a relationship can destroy a great friendship or whether a great friendship is about being large hearted and unselfish. Most importantly, how will you feel if you know your close friend is always gooey eyed around your man?
I am commitment-phobic. I try not to get close to people so that I avoid getting into a serious relationship. I am afraid of heartbreak and rejection. How do I fix this.

A break-up is only as bad as you allow it to be. But a great relationship can take you into realms of self- discovery and happiness that have no boundaries.

DISCLAIMER : Views expressed above are the author’s own.

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